Life Aint Always Beautiful

So as I trudge on through these murky waters of life nowadays unaware of what the future holds for any of us I try to be optimistic. Its hard to be happy and optimistic all the time but its what my husband and my children need right now. Someone to come home to with a smile on their face... My bible study has been so convicting and when you begin to realize ALL the things in your life that you need to change in order to feel completely happy in the inside.. I look at myself and thing wow.. I need alot of work. I have tried to stop trying to change other people.. that hasnt been easy either... But the hardest part for me is to love people who have hurt me or my family members unconditionally and unyielding and SHOW it.. This week in my bible study we are learning to replace a critical attitude with love... meh.. its harder than you think and when I read this and evaluate my life in the past it hurts.. I missed out on so much HAPPY in my life because I held grudges and was critical and not letting God take care of the things he wants to. I am getting better letting things go and just being content and happy with everything God has blessed me with. Anyways speaking of blessings Big Papa does not have to have surgery... well not at this point in time anyways. Doc is hoping things get better if it does not then surgery will be possible but until then hes going to continue physical therapy and go through some kind of pain management... Whether it be shots or something different.. I am not sure what. So though a weight has been lifted as far as surgery we are still in the unknown of what the Army is going to do with him now but I have to assume it will be in his best interest. There are so many other things I can write about and talk about and maybe it will help others understand the depths of the pain and dealings that a soldier has to go through when they return from a deployment.. but again I am not sure my husband would like me to freely share. Lets just say they see alot.. unimaginable things that many of us will NEVER see in our lifetimes and wish our precious children will never have to see. Its hard to deal with and let go sometimes.. And if affects some more than others but with supportive family and friends it makes life much easier and LOTS and LOTS of praying.  I hope everyone has had a great week. We have a fun weekend planned. I have some Bridal Portraits I am shooting tomorrow and hubby and I are going to watch Courageous and then its onto Sunday for church (which I can honestly say I am looking forward to).

"Struggles makes me stronger And the changes make me wise And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time   Life aint always beautiful Tears will fall sometimes Life aint always beautiful But it's a beautiful ride."

Life Happens....

Whether you want it to or not. I am not sure what to say or how to say it... but I have been a way from blogging for a while.. been trying to find my niche in this thing I call life. I am a wife and a mother of that I am sure but I have been working on my faith and my place with the Lord and also my place in the Army. Sure Big Papa is National Guard but right now he is active military with a wounded warrior unit here. Its unnerving to think that he has been there for quite sometime and had very FEW people from his actual unit check on him. (Unless they were "ordered" to). Its actually very sad if I do say so myself, and hes not the only one from the unit who has not been checked in on. Anyways, I am not sure to the extent my husband is comfortable talking about things but I know I can tell you this... deployment does NOT end when they come home... it CHANGES. There are so many things to learn about each other and have to work through. Someone told me however long they are gone.. that is the shortest amount of time it will take to feel somewhat "normal" together again. Big Papa has 3 bulging disks one of which is pushing on his spinal nerve roots in his lower back from an accident in Afghanistan. He did see the medics there which they told him he has muscle spasms (because he did not want to go to Germany to have it further checked out and yes I yelled at him for being a prideful man). He did not want to leave his unit unless he absolutely had to. My husband is a phenomenal man as is many of the men and women in our armed forces. He deals with the pain of his back and stress of still providing for his family at the same time a stress I could never imagine. He is currently going through physical therapy until a spinal surgeon decides if he is a good candidate for back surgery. At the rate it seems he is not getting better and he is getting worse so it is looking like surgery will be taken into serious consideration. With that comes more stress but we will deal with that when the situation arrives. 24 years old and having to have lower back surgery and thinking about things most of us do not think about until we are much older and have grandchildren. The immense responsibility of a soldier and a husband and a father all in one is unmatched. I cannot even begin to relate to him... all I can do from here is support him. It has not been an easy road so far and I do not foresee it getting any easier either. That takes me into a happier note. We have gotten more involved in church and I think that it has helped greatly. I have been attending bible study on Tuesdays with my mom for about 6 weeks now. "Lord Change My Attitude" by James MacDonald. AMAZING bible study. I am truly pleased with the workings it has done in my heart and the learning to accept and replace negative and sinful attitudes with more positive and God honoring ones and to be content with how much or how little I have. It has not been easy. I will be the first one to admit I need an attitude adjustment and that it has not and will not be easy. Its hard to swallow when you KNOW the one who needs to change to make your life better is YOU. No one else can make your life what you want it... and you can not use others to make your life what you want it... It has to start from the inside. So all in all.. with everything that is going on my husband and I are learning to walk closer with the Lord and in doing that we are walking closer to one another. How amazing when you look in the right direction for answers and uplifting your life just kinda falls into place. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day and I promise I will try to do BETTER at my blogging and keeping you all updated. And if you read feel free to let me know you are reading! Its nice to see who is really involved.

 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless." 

(1 Corinthians 13:4-10)

Whats up!

I have been so terrible at keeping up with my blogs... shame on me... I have just been doing things with my husband and learning to live with each other again. Hasnt been an easy task but hey nothing worthwhile in life is easy. Great things take work! I love having my hubby at home.. he hasnt went back to work yet. He is currently receiving treatment for his back.. He slipped off the back of a vehicle in Afghanistan and they told him he was having muscle spasms and then he comes home and he has 3 bulging disks in his lower back.. NICE right!! Sigh... Gotta love the military. Right now he is doing physical therapy then they will do another evaluation and see if he needs any further therapy or at worst surgery... =( I have some wonderful news but I am going to wait to let the cat outta the bag at a later time. Not now!! HAHA!! Ive gotta keep you guys coming back. This past Labor day weekend we went to the lake with some family and close friends and we had a blast. Food, fun, water and fellowship is always great. I even rode a jetski!! Lets just say Full speed + goofing off = epic fail!! Yeah I was trying to wiggle the jetski back and forth and it hit a wake and the jet ski went one way and I went another! LOL! Definitely feel like I got some whiplast off that one!! Its the price you pay for lots of fun! Babygirl and Bubba are loving school. I had Bubba in a private church preschool and I felt like I should be contributing to my church home so I moved him to the preschool where I am a member at. He likes it. Its a good thing he has been there before because the transition could have gone alot harder than what it did. We have also put Bubba in karate. I am hoping it helps him with some self control and his behavior. He isnt a bad kid but he is a busy busy boy. Babygirl starts cheerleading on Monday! I am so excited!! Buttercup doesnt have much going on.. She needs fto focus on growing some more hair so I can put it up in pigtails and stuff! I am still playin Wow.. My playing has slowed down a bit since Big Papa has been home which is understandable.. I am almost to the highest level. Cant wait to get up there and do heroics and things like that! I am also contemplating on going back to school.. been thinking about being an Occupational Thereapis for children with Autism or other disabilities like that. What do YOU think??  =) As far as everything else its going great. I am so ready for this weekend. Hubby and I have a little rendevous planned this weekend he is gonna LOVE IT! Actually I am gonna love it too!! He He! Well thats pretty much all thats going on nowadays. Hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday!!!!