I read a blog this morning, found it through a mutual bloggers blog. Shes a military spouse that lost her husband during his tour in Operation Enduring Freedom (Afghanistan for those that dont know). And I began to realize, as much as this deployment sucks, losing my husband would be unimagineable hell. They have a small child whom he had never met, only through pictures. My heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones in this awful war and my heard aches for my husband to be home. But like he said, SOMEONE has to do it. Not many realize the harm these guys are in over there. Everyday outside the wire is a chance closer to something terrible happening to them. Whether IED or an insurgent attack. My husband puts his life on the line next to his brother and fellow soldiers so that we may have the freedom to do the things we choose. So many times so many thoughts run through my head. All the what ifs? What if something did happen? Will my children ever know what an amazing man their father is? UGH! So many questions! But what matters to me RIGHT now, right this moment are my husbands safety and taking care of his children. I will be right here waiting on him when he comes home! =D Anyways on a higher note today has went pretty good. I can feel a cold coming on. Thats not good but hey thats life. Doesnt stop for a cold. Its only been a day since I have heard from James. Told me it will be a while before he does get to contact me again. Course we have no idea how long and i have no idea what hes doing, where he is or any other details. Which is how its supposed to be. Theres alot of things he said to me that just weigh heavily on my heart. Things that he is learning and are bothering that I cant help him with. He said when they tell you that war changes a person it really does. He has only been there for two months and already feels like he is changing. Little things we take for granted here like safe running water, and being able to walk to the bathroom without getting all of your equipment on, being with your family and home cooked meals, little things like that hes beginning to cherish. And I guess i feel guilty because i should cherish those things especialy when i know hes doing without. I just have so much on my mind and I worry about him 24/7. I hope he knows how much i love him and care about him. I do more than anything in this world. I have lost a love once I couldnt imagine losing the GREATEST love of my life, my soulmate! I try not to think about it but again I cant control my brain all the time. Till then i do everything I can to show him how much I love him! I love you James with every inch of my being and my soul. I cant wait till you come home so I can see your handsome face and you take me into your arms. I miss you baby. Be safe and Come home to me soon! Sorry for the sad blog people!! Just thoughts I gotta get out!
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