No More Fireworks.. And Thats Ok.

So I have thought about writing on this for a week now.. just been patiently waiting for my thoughts to get right. As I have wrote about before hubbs was diagnosed with PTSD. Its not as severe as some cases but its something we as a family are working and learning from. His senses are heightened in situations, hearing, listening and smelling.  We had an Armed Forces Day celebration recently and we went. First thing when we walked in husbands unit was there showing the MRAP vehicles that are used by the military. He had not seen these guys for a while as he is on a no Drill Status because of his injuries sustained while in Afghanistan. He misses them a lot. They are his brothers and they went through some unimaginable situations that you and I will probably never come across. While we were there they tested some fireworks randomly and that really does not help. Not only a soldier with PTSD but any soldier who has been trained for war and been off to war. You hear a pop or a boom instinct will tell you to get down. I mean, It scared me and I have never been in any kind of situation like soldiers are. Hubby did well, He pushed on. All he could say the whole time was "There are SO many people here". He would not let me see his eyes because he knew any inkling that there was something wrong we would make like a banana and split. So we drove on and enjoyed the rest of our day. Then it got dark and the fireworks started. He jumped at every loud boom and the ones that sound like hundreds of pops at one time did not sit well with him. It started sprinkling and the smoke and ash were getting all over us and the kids so we decided to leave before the finale. Made it all the way to the parking lot and the finale. Hubby suddenly stopped and closed his eyes and I could see the distress in his face. He had enough. It was not just the fireworks and I know that. I am sure it was the combination of the heat, keeping up with 4 kids, seeing his battle buddies he had not seen in so long, the thousands of people in an uncontrolled environment, the loud noises that resembled what he was trained to be aware of and stay away from all piling on him at once. An overload of senses the entire day. It had to release and it did. The kids and hubs mom were there this time. It was scary for them. Seeing him in a way that they had never seen him before. He stopped and you could see the hurt and stress in his eyes and his face. I have learned the difference when I need to just leave him alone and let him sort out his thoughts and when I need to step in and intervene. This was one of the situations where I needed to step in. Unless you are a soldiers wife you probably do not understand but they were trained and drilled and lived one way for a year and it takes a moment for their mind to go right back to that situation, to that place. Hubbs and I have something that works and its what we do. I get him to focus on me and feel that he is here with me and our children and that he is safe. Its like immediate immanent danger protection mode that they go into, when they do not have their trucks or their gear they feel helpless and for a soldier even for a man that is stressful. Kind of like when your driving down the road and you hear an old song or smell and old smell and immediately you think of when you were younger when and where you heard that old song first or smelled that smell first. Soldiers are different in the way they go into protective/soldier mode. I do not quite understand it but I am not a soldier I wont. Every soldier comes home with some form of PTSD. Whether is jumping at loud noises or being overly aware of their environment. Its not something to play around with or joke around about. Most can get a handle on it and some can not. Either way if there is a soldier in your life that has PTSD let them know that no matter what you love them, and if they need help that its OK to ask for help. Be there for them and be open minded and understanding. I pushed my hubby to get help but in his own time he has opened up to me about things that happened to him and bother him. I probably know more about what happened during his deployment than most wives know. He knows that no matter what he tells me that I am simple grateful for his safe return home and for him to know that he can talk to me without me pushing him away and telling him I do not want to hear it helps him. So after our day we decided that no more fireworks. He of course feels awful about the kids possibly missing out on it but I assured him that it is ok. We do not have to have fireworks to celebrate days as a family. I would rather the kids see their father happy and enjoying his time and not have fireworks than them see him miserable. When they grow up and they are old enough to understand we will explain it to them. Someone having PTSD does not make them weird or crazy. Just means they have some extra stuff going on in their heads. Each person deals with it differently. Sometimes its scary, stressful, hurtful but if you LOVE that person Do anything and everything you can to help them and be their support system. Too many times soldiers come home with nothing and no one. If there is a soldier in your life, husband, wife, brother, sister, mother,father, son, or daughter. Love them, support them, encourage them. Whether you think so or whether they make you think they don't. They NEED you.