Life Happens....

Whether you want it to or not. I am not sure what to say or how to say it... but I have been a way from blogging for a while.. been trying to find my niche in this thing I call life. I am a wife and a mother of that I am sure but I have been working on my faith and my place with the Lord and also my place in the Army. Sure Big Papa is National Guard but right now he is active military with a wounded warrior unit here. Its unnerving to think that he has been there for quite sometime and had very FEW people from his actual unit check on him. (Unless they were "ordered" to). Its actually very sad if I do say so myself, and hes not the only one from the unit who has not been checked in on. Anyways, I am not sure to the extent my husband is comfortable talking about things but I know I can tell you this... deployment does NOT end when they come home... it CHANGES. There are so many things to learn about each other and have to work through. Someone told me however long they are gone.. that is the shortest amount of time it will take to feel somewhat "normal" together again. Big Papa has 3 bulging disks one of which is pushing on his spinal nerve roots in his lower back from an accident in Afghanistan. He did see the medics there which they told him he has muscle spasms (because he did not want to go to Germany to have it further checked out and yes I yelled at him for being a prideful man). He did not want to leave his unit unless he absolutely had to. My husband is a phenomenal man as is many of the men and women in our armed forces. He deals with the pain of his back and stress of still providing for his family at the same time a stress I could never imagine. He is currently going through physical therapy until a spinal surgeon decides if he is a good candidate for back surgery. At the rate it seems he is not getting better and he is getting worse so it is looking like surgery will be taken into serious consideration. With that comes more stress but we will deal with that when the situation arrives. 24 years old and having to have lower back surgery and thinking about things most of us do not think about until we are much older and have grandchildren. The immense responsibility of a soldier and a husband and a father all in one is unmatched. I cannot even begin to relate to him... all I can do from here is support him. It has not been an easy road so far and I do not foresee it getting any easier either. That takes me into a happier note. We have gotten more involved in church and I think that it has helped greatly. I have been attending bible study on Tuesdays with my mom for about 6 weeks now. "Lord Change My Attitude" by James MacDonald. AMAZING bible study. I am truly pleased with the workings it has done in my heart and the learning to accept and replace negative and sinful attitudes with more positive and God honoring ones and to be content with how much or how little I have. It has not been easy. I will be the first one to admit I need an attitude adjustment and that it has not and will not be easy. Its hard to swallow when you KNOW the one who needs to change to make your life better is YOU. No one else can make your life what you want it... and you can not use others to make your life what you want it... It has to start from the inside. So all in all.. with everything that is going on my husband and I are learning to walk closer with the Lord and in doing that we are walking closer to one another. How amazing when you look in the right direction for answers and uplifting your life just kinda falls into place. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day and I promise I will try to do BETTER at my blogging and keeping you all updated. And if you read feel free to let me know you are reading! Its nice to see who is really involved.

 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless." 

(1 Corinthians 13:4-10)