Being a Christian...

I am not sure but I am truly hoping you all have noticed an attitude change in me. I really hope you have because I feel a change in my heart... It has not been easy and I am sure it will continue to be a struggle within me. I have been going to a bible study on tuesdays and it has opened my eyes and convicted me of many things I have done and should have done different or not at all and things maybe I should have done. If there are ones in the past I am truly sorry from deep within my heart I am asking your forgiveness. I am not going into personal things but I guess all I can say is if you feel as though I have done something to upset you I am truly and dearly sorry. Its so hard to ask forgiveness. Any prideful person can tell you that. You dont apologize for looking like the weaker person or you just dont want to give in to the grudge or the hatred you may have in your heart. Its definitely hard to love an unlovable person.. well maybe someone YOU think is unlovable. I have spent so many years holding onto things that people have done or said that have hurt me that it has kept me from true happiness in my soul. To include myself. My point of this whole blog is... if something were to happen to me tomorrow I want to know that I left with a good relationship with everyone behind. Sure its hard to have a perfect relationship with anyone but I want to go to sleep at night with the peace in my heart that I spoke the words of love from my heart and not hatred because I was holding a grudge. I love my family and friends with all my heart and those who WERE my friends still have a very special place in my heart. Were coming up on an old friend of mines wedding and I will not be attending but I thought of this beautiful couple as I looked through my daughters baby book. There they were sitting in the hospital room holding her and talking to her... He was a very prominent person in my childrens lives until recently and it hurts that they no longer are but I dont hate them... I dont hate anyone... I may not love them ( Like I SHOULD) but one day we will hopefully get passed all of this... point is I love them very much and of course wish them the best.. I could name quite a few people that I dont have the best relationship with (and wish I did) but they stick out in my mind because I have seen their picture recently. Anyways! I am sorry I am all over the place but I am trying to come into my faith as a complete Christian and my husband is right beside me and its a breath of fresh air and relief knowing that in this human life I live with my husband will continue beyond the years unto forever. That my friends is a beautiful thing! With all my love in Christ