Never Gonna Get It Right!

Seems I am never gonna be able to write blog posts on a regular basis. Sad as it is. Yep, stay at home mom and all the time in the world right!! HAHA. Course I am busy with so many other things. School and what not. Either way. There is a boat load of things on my mind. Hubby has been working hard to get his truck running so we have a second vehicle. I have been struggling with my faith and where I am as far as within my family. Often times I feel resented by certain family members. Of course I feel like it has stemmed from things that happened before it was any of my control. However I should not feel that way. I love all of my family whether they think I do or not. As far as my faith... In some ways I feel I have drifted away from God. I was doing wonderful before staying on top of my Bible Studies and things. Nowadays... I struggle to find time. It should not be that way. God would not have to struggle to find time for me. He would be there as soon as I opened my mouth. Sigh and that is what is making my life difficult now  I am going to have to sit down and do some serious soul searching, talking with the Lord and getting my life back on track. As for my church... its wonderful church and I love it. I have this internal struggle to "fit in". I am by no means a girly girl and do not do much shop talk and I am not into the latest fashions nor am I any size to be "into" them but I try and to no avail I still find myself drifting away from them and into my husbands conversations with the men about sports, guns, cars and things. Its not the women at the church. They are wonderful and friendly and welcoming. Its me! I am glad however that there is one thing that MOST of us have in common and that is we all love the Lord and we are moms. Snot, poop, pee, barf, boogers, giggles, holding little ones hands, chasing them in the church parking lot, the whole nine. We can definitely all relate to that and I love them all the more for that. Unfortunately feeling the way I do causes me to distance myself from people. I have tried most of my life to try and fit in with my own family members and been rejected that it is difficult for me to attempt to do that with strangers for fear or rejection. I cannot say that SOME of my family does not have a reason to not be my biggest fan however I feel as though I have apologized about many things I KNOW I have done and asked for forgiveness. Of course in hopes that it would come and it does not. I used to be a HUGE confrontational person and these days I am not so much unless there is some blatant reason for me to open my mouth and step in. Okay so that is my soap box today. I am hoping there are more uplifting posts in the near future. The weather is changing and hopefully for the duration to more spring weather and I usually am in better spirits when the weather is nicer. I am sure most folks can relate. So to end on a better note. I love my life and my family. God has blessed me with a wonderful life full of wonderful people.